Married to 911

Growing up I always wondered what it would be like to be married. Who would I marry? What would she look like? What would she do? These questions and many more filled my mind whenever I would think about marriage. When the day came and I said, " I do", I no longer wondered what the answers to those questions were but now I had an even bigger question to answer. How does marriage work in a household where both parties work in the realm of Public Safety.

At first thought to the question, we all agree it will work like any other marriage. You will have your ups and downs. There will be great days, and not so great days. There will be days you feel like your dying in bed and days where your hiking in the mountains. Your marriage will follow the vows that you took on your wedding day. However as many seasoned wise adults told me before I got married, marriage is a full time job and you have to treat it as such. But how do you juggle the responsibilities of marriage and your public safety job . Both are full time jobs and both require all of your strength and commitment. Although one has to take precedence over the other. Whichever you decide takes precedence will decide the fate of your marriage.

So as I have started my journey into the world of marriage there has been victories and losses along

the way. I am going to share some of my new found wisdom with those of you in marriages and also those of you who are in Public Safety Marriages. Because when you marry someone who works in the public safety realm they bring baggage with them. You have to deal with that baggage good, bad or indifferent. It creates an even greater challenge when you have both individuals working in public safety. So the following are myths, realities, and advice for those of you who ware married in the public safety realm, however if you stumbled across this, I think some of the advice transitions to the civilian world.

MYTH - "Don't marry anyone in the public safety profession"

I was told when I first started in EMS don't marry anyone from your profession. Whoops I think I failed on that advice. Truth be told I am blown away every day by the blessings and love that has come from marrying the love of my life who was in EMS when we started dating. She now works as a 911 dispatcher which is a different realm of public safety . I get to work with my wife on occasion because she takes the initial call and I respond to the emergency that she received at the 911 communications center. We get to work as a team. What better representation of marriage than working as a team on and off the job.

MYTH- "I can't tell my spouse about the things I've seen or heard"

Don't get me wrong I understand the rules of HIPAA and the many other laws and regulations out there but if you cant tell your spouse whats going on in your life than who do you have left. Confiding in coworkers is okay but when it comes to confiding in opposite sex coworkers sometimes wires can be crossed and the wrong impression is received. There are many conversations that need to stay between a husband and a wife. I and my wife share the issues we are dealing with at work with each other so that we can air our dirty laundry so that it doesn't start driving a wedge between our marriage. Also if you dealt with a really bad call , the person who needs to know that your hurting the most is your companion , your help mate, your spouse. They are going to be there with you down the long hall. 

MYTH- "I leave work at work, and don't bring up work at home"

Having that separation is great, but again that separation of work from home can also start to drive a wedge in between you and your spouse. As I talked about previously , if you can't talk about your problems at work with your spouse than who are you going to talk to then? You have to get these stresses off of your chest. It is a great idea to keep work and home life separate and there are ways you can accomplish this, but the stresses you deal with at work, some times need to be share with your spouse because they will have a different outlook on the problem .  Here are some ways that I accomplish keep some of work separate from home.

• If your not on call, and need to spend quality time with your spouse, shut your radio, pager, or cell phone off.
• Go on a date in another county, city, or state that way you can fully separate from the job.
• When you come home and vent to your spouse about your job, make sure they know if your venting or needing a solution so as not convey the wrong message.
• If you have little time with your spouse because of the profession, than make time for your spouse not the job.
• Take time off from the profession for your spouse.

So if your in my situation and you are married to someone in public safety and you yourself are in public safety than make sure that you are prioritizing your spouse over your job. One day you are going to retire and you want to have company than be alone. I am by no means perfect and my marriage is not perfect either. But to have a great marriage you have to put in time and effort . Marriages take work and a lot of work. Sometimes it can be hard. It can be really hard but it is so worth it. I would not take back all of the discussions, tears and stress because that is what strengthens the marriage.  Marriages are like a leather. Leather can be tough at first, but all of the weathering and stress put on it make it comfortable and make it unique. We are going to be weathered in our marriages but we have to stick it out because the reward at the end is amazing.  Here is some of the advice I have been given through out my life and marriage when it comes to making that lasting marriage.

• Love is not always a feeling, but it is always a decision
• There are days that you wont feel the butterfly's but make the decision to love your spouse
• Marriage is 100% and 100%, you have to give 100% of the effort 100% of the time.
• Marriage is 100 /100 , divorce is 50/50
• Realize that a strong marriage rarely has two strong people at the same time
• In marriage you both win together or lose together, if one of you has won an argument than you both have lost.
• Make spending time together a priority ( date your spouse)
• Always make time out of your day, or week to do something fun with your spouse
• Respect one another
•  Always let the other know when you call, or text someone of the opposite sex.
• Never talk badly about your spouse
• Communication is an absolute key
• Intimacy is not always sex, but is so important
• Learn from other people, but don't compare your marriage to others
• Never lie to your spouse
• If you make a mistake, admit it and seek forgiveness
• Be patient with each other
• Connect with a good community of faith
• Pray together
• Never put divorce on the table
• Love them like Christ first loved you.

Making a lasting marriage is a commitment. It is at times a hard commitment but definitively a commitment worth more than its weight in Gold, Silver and Precious Gems.

This Article is dedicated to my Wife ,Kourtney. I love you Kourtney. Thanks for saying Yes to doing life with me.